Serious Shopping
by LaxusPlayer
Summary: When Gray and Juvia get a new house, the rest of the gang decide to go shopping to get them house warming gifts. Why is Lucy afraid of last night? Why is Gildarts smiling evilly? Why is Makarov dressed as a cat! Read and find out...


Serious Shopping

_A/N: So imahappyperson suggested I do another fic about the group, only this time they will be having "fun" times shopping, and here I am writing it. There's been a hell of a lot of tech issues lately so I'm sorry this is kinda late. Anyways thoughts are in italics. Enjoy..._

"Levi! Levi! Levi!" Lucy screamed as she ran into the guild.

The bluenette turned and looked at her clearly distraught friend. "What's up Lucy?!"

"Scarf! The scarf is missing!"

"What scar-...oh god do you mean Natsu's?!" Lucy nodded, eyes wide with panic. "Shit shit shit!" She jumped to her feet and began looking around the guild.

Gajeel sighed and got to his feet too. "Ok so how did the idiot lose it this time?"

Lucy looked at him and smiled sheepishly. "Actually...I may have...sorta...left it here last night."

Levi gasped. "But Lucy he gave you that as a present!"

The blonde blushed. "I know I know but it just slipped my mind. Besides, by the end of last night I wasn't exactly sober..."

"You're telling me." Came a voice and everyone's favorite douchebag walked over and put his hand around the fretting girl. "How much of last night do you remember?"

The grinning man recieved a death glare from the now beetroot red girl before she shoved his hand off her shoulder. "Laxus you jerk what the hell did you do?!"

The lightening mage laughed. "Me?! I did nothing! You on the other hand were grinding the hell out of me. And that wasn't even the worst part..."

"What was?" Mira said, appearing out of thin air. The temperature in the room dropped significantly and Lucy began to get chills down her spine.

Laxus as usual noticed none of this and so continued. "Well she...haha...she mounted me and told me she wanted to, and I shit you not here, 'ride the lightening'. Priceless!" As he broke down into tears of laughter Lucy looked over at Mira's growing aura. "_So this is how I die..._"

"Hey guys!" Natsu called, skipping into the guild happily. "What's so funny?"

You could literally see the evil glint in Laxus' eyes. "Oh nothing much really. Just discussing interesting events with your girlfriend over here."

Natsu smiled. "Oh did you guys have fun last night? I wish I could've made it but Gray and Juvia needed a hand moving in to their new place. Did you have fun Lucy?"

The celestial wizard gave him a smile and nodded. Inside though she was writing her will. "_If Mira doesn't kill me I think I'll just take a long walk off the canal..._"

Sensing the mood of the wounded girl, Laxus went in for the kill. "Oh and here; take this crappy scarf back." He threw Natsu's scarf at the girl and winked. "You'll need it to practise your lasso skills for next time."

Cana had to run across and physically restrain her friend from killing Lucy at this point, although the blonde was secretly hoping he grip would fail. Gajeel who had been listening to the whole thing broke down into tears of laughter alongside the older dragonslayer. "Gee hee hee incredible!"

"Was there a lasso contest?" Natsu asked, puzzled and sheltered as ever. Lucy just faceplamed and allowed Levi to console her.

"I know what we should do today!" Levi exclaimed, trying to divert attention away from her blushing guild member. "We should go shopping for presents. I mean Gray and Juvia have just bought a new place; we should get them something to say well done."

"Or you know you could actually go on a fucking quest for once." Makarov grumbled from the back of the guild. "God forbid you earn some money instead of scrounging off me."

"What was that Gramps? There's a kid stuck in a well?"

"Laxus don't you start this..."

"Skippy? What's the matter boy?! The barn caught fire?!"

"Laxus I swear to god..."

"Good work boy! Have a dog biscuit!"

"DID YOU SERIOUSLY BUY DOG BISCUITS JUST FOR THIS REASON?!"

The thunder god pulled out a bottle of water and squirted the older man with it. "Down boy down!" Makarov was not amused.

"Yeah that's a great idea Levi!" Cana chipped in, also wanting to defuse the situation. "Well we could all go out now and be done by the end of the day. Then we could throw them a party or something. Sound good Mira?"

The white haired demon calmed down somewhat and nodded in agreement. With that the group took off to go gift shopping. Well most of the group did. Laxus joined them five minutes later after succeeding to force his grandfather into a dog outfit. Wendy took pictures.

-At Magnolia's Mall-

"Ok guys let's get to it!" Mira was always excited about shopping and couldn't understand why a few of the others seemed a bit less willing.

"Erm Mira..." Levi asked. "What are we each going to get them?"

Mira smiled. "Simple; I've divided us all into groups and given each group a specific gift to buy." She held up a detailed diagram with chibi versions of everyone on it. Lucy almost questioned when exactly she had drawn that, but considering what had happened before she figured it was best to just roll with it.

"Yeah no." Laxus said after looking on the list. "I'm going to the pet shop to get some more treats for Gramps." He looked down at Wendy who was by his side. "What do you reckon we should make him this time?"

"Oh oh I think he'd look good as a kitty cat Mr Laxus!" She screamed enthusiastically.

Laxus smiled. "This kid knows her shit. Lets go then." The two walked off with Laxus flipping everyone off as usual.

Mira sighed. "Luckily I planned for this. I'll get his stuff with Cana too. Now everyone else get to work!" And so the crazy shopping hunt began.

"What'd we get to do Lucy?" Natsu asked his stil blushing girlfriend.

"We got clocks Natsu." Mira had tactically manouvered it so that none of the dragon slayers were given items to collect that involved food. "So listen...about last night..."

His eyes lit up. "Ohhh tell me all about it! Was the lasso thing any good?!"

Lucy closed her eyes and just spat it out. "Actually I kinda lassoed Laxus then tried to make out with him and then grinded him and mounted him and I'm so sorry Natsu I..."

Natsu was already gone, running after the lightening mage. "LAXUS WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY GIRLFRIEND?!"

This made Lucy smile somewhat, although after a moment she realised that it was never fun to see her pink haired team mate hospitalised.

Levi sighed and Gajeel laughed again. "We better get going; this time schedule we were given seems pretty tight and I doubt we'll make it unless we start now." Thus the hunt began.

-A minor beating later-

"Why are the clocks so loud?" Natsu moaned, still holding his head in pain.

"Well I thought it was sweet." Lucy cooed, wrapping her arms around her injured boyfriend. Of course this was all her fault, but there was no way in hell she was going to tell him that. Especially after he took one hell of a beating from the S-Class mage who was the victim. She pulled his head down and kissed him. "My hero."

Natsu smiled at this and cheered up a little. He always enjoyed her hugs. "So what clock are we going to get?"

Lucy released the teenager and looked around. "Actually we're getting three." Natsu looked at her puzzled but she just shrugged. "Mira's plan. Didn't want to argue with that."

Natsu's eyes fell on the fire themed clock at the far end. "Ohhh that looks cool! We should get that one!"

"Natsu we're not shopping for us; its Gray and Juvia." She looked down and spotted an ice themed one. "Here, this one looks better suited for the task."

"Ahh I get it!" Natsu immediately spotted a watery one and picked it up. "So stuff like this then?" Lucy smiled and nodded. "Alright! Two down, one to go!"

It was at this point the search became impossible. "Erm...what else do they like apart from water and ice?"

Lucy thought about it for a moment before the idea hit her. "I know exactly what to get them..."

Meanwhile Levi and Gajeel weren't having similar amounts of success. "Gee hee look at this mug! The penguin is saying its 'just chillin'. And its on ice! I love it gee hee!"

Levi rolled her eyes. "Guess your sense of humour hasn't improved."

"You appreciate it though!"

"I'd appreciate it if you shut up for look for some damned...ohhh this one has kitties!"

"This one over here has cute cats on it too!"

"Gildarts when did you get here?!" The couple jumped when the crash mage appeared behind them grinning.

"I've been here the whole time!" The two blushed. "Yes...the WHOLE time..." He shuddered and gave them a disappointed look. "What you did in those toilets..."

"THIS MUG LOOKS NICE!" Levi shouted, throwing a random mug at the red haired man before he could continue. The mug crashed into a thousand pieces on contact with his head.

Gajeel scanned the shop and sighed. "There's a thousand mugs in here! How the hell are we supposed to find one thats any good, let alone three?"

"This is going to take forever at this rate. Hmm..." An idea came to the older man and he grinned manically. "We should split up..." The two didn't his plan realise until it was too late. After the dissassembly spell was cast the thousands of mini Levi and Gejeels all growled at the now laughing man. "Well get to it! We don't have long!"

"Gildarts you'll pay for this!" The mini Gajeels screamed but he just continued laughing. He'd finally lost it, which became apparent when he started scooping up handfuls of the small people and throwing them across the store.

"Fly my minions fly!"

On the other side of the mall Mira and Cana were looking around at the random stalls in the centre. They had finished their shopping in record time (they were designated food and extras) and now were checking out the random crap.

"Well these are mine now." Said Cana, picking up a deck of themed playing cards. The theme was drinking of course and the intent was to magic beer up from anywhere. Her goal of being constantly drunk was almost complete.

"Cana, are you sure a house plant is the best idea?" Mira asked, eying the gigantic vined monstrosity they had bought.

"Yeah, I mean why not? It'll take up some space and it has pretty much the same character depth as Juvia. Besides, even if their water goes off she'll always be around to water it."

Mira laughed at that one. "Ahh well I hope they like it. I really think they are a cute couple."

"Agreed." Cana said smiling. "The shipping wall is almost complete now." Mira nodded and Cana grinned. "Almost..."

Mira's smile turned into a frown. "What do you mean...?"

"Almost..."

"Cana what are you imply-...hey you need a partner too!"

The brunette laughed. "Who's to say I haven't got one? Sounds like someone isn't up to date with the shipping wall..."

Mira jumped on her friend. "WHO IS IT AND HAS THE WALL BE INFORMED?!"

"Yeah yeah..." Cana laughed, "It's Bacchus of course. Just don't tell my dad. Pretty sure he'd beat him to death, skin him and use his bones as musical instruments. If he's lucky..."

"Well if it affects the wall then I'm sure I could talk some sense into him." Mira smiled evilly and the card mage shuddered. If there was one person scarier than Gildarts it was Fairy Tail's demon shipper. Her dad could destroy bodies, but she could destroy souls.

"Anyways..." Cana said, getting back on topic, "It's you who needs to find someone! The guild's biggest shipper and you don't have a ship of your own!"

Mira sighed. "Yeah well giving adivce is easier than getting a guy."

Cana gave a sly smile. "Don't you mean THE guy. Ya'know, the Thu-..." Mira clamped a hand over her friends mouth and shushed her before she could finish the sentance. She only released the card mage after she promised not to finish. "Fine I won't say his name, but you have to do something for me in return. And the wall..."

-At the designated meeting point-

"Good work team!" Mira exclaimed as she checked out the pile of gifts the teams had gathered. "Although...Do you really think a clock with a naked couple on it would really work for Juvia and Gra-...I see where you're coming from."

Lucy breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed like the demon lady had forgotten about the whole Laxus incident, meaning that she would be able to live for at least another week.

"I'm still going to get you back Gildarts..." Gajeel grumbled, still sore about the whole disassembly thing in the mug shop.

The red head smiled. "Hell you can't even take the Blonde in a fight, the hell chance have you got against me? I mean come on; what're you gonna do, break your fist on my face?!"

Gajeel raised a hand to hit the older man but then let it fall. Gildarts was right. He'd be sent to the scrap heat before the older man even broke a sweat.

"Careful everybody; I'm walking forward and I don't want to spear any of you with my giant dick." Laxus called and everyone turned around. "Well except maybe Mira. That bitch knows how to work a pole."

Wendy was about to ask the meaning of that but Laxus was faster, clamping a hand around her mouth and feeding her another treat.

"Laxus...where'd you...oh god what's that smell?"

"That would be half a metric tonne of fish, catfood and cat treats all mixed together in the same bag." The Thunder God proudly pronounced, "We did good today kid. We did good."

The blue haired girl smiled and held up a little cat collar. "I got this one too while you were in the food section Mr Laxus. It says 'Big Bad Kitty'. DId I do good?"

The lightening mage looked at his apprentice for a second. "...Wendy...you've made me proud kid." Dropping the bags he bent down and hugged the girl who squealed in delight.

"Ahem!" Mira cleared her throat, trying to get the conversation back on track. And stop Wendy cuddling Laxus. That was her job. "So did you get anything useful dare I ask?"

Laxus straightened up. "'Course I did; I got photo frames for everyone." He reached into a small bag by his side and distributed the small frames around the group. "These three are for Gray and Juvia. The rest are my gift to you all, along with the acompanying picture." He whistled and pointed at the older S-Class mage. "Oi Gildarts; fancy giving me a hand with this one as well?"

The crash mage smiled. "Ohhh Laxus Laxus Laxus..." Once again an evil grin appeared on his face. "It would be my pleasure..."

-At Gray and Juvia's new house-

"There we go Master Gray; everything is unpacked and ready to use!"

Gray sighed. "For the love of god Juvia stop calling me that! And would it've killed ya to let me help with some of this?!"

"No no! Juvia would never allow Mas-Gray to do anything by himself!"

"You know if you were anyone else I'd take that as an insult..."

The doorbell immediately rang, advancing the plot somewhat. Gray groaned and went to answer the door. "For the last time I don't need any more penis enlarg-hey guys! Erm...the hell you doing here?"

"Surprise!" Mira screamed and barged past him into the house. "Oh wow it looks amazing! Classy floor, nice stairs, comfy looking chairs..."

"I didn't say you could come in..." Gray started but he just sighed in defeat. "_I guess this is how Lucy feels..._"

Cana put a consoling arm around her friend. "There there Gray, this shouldn't take over a couple of hours."

The ice mage nervously glanced back outside. "Is...is your dad coming...?"

"At some point maybe." Cana sniggered. "He's helping Laxus with a bad kitty."

Gray quirked an eyebrow but just left it. He didn't care so much about their shenanigans as he cared about the walls of his new house being walked through.

"...these gifts are wonderful! Juvia has never recieved such great gifts from people besides the wonderful Gray!"

"New name now is it? Is that your game?" She smiled sheepishly at her boyfriend and he blushed a little.

"This is great Gray!" Lucy exclaimed. "_Maybe he'll stay out of my apartment now..._"

"Yeah, how much did it cost you guys?!"

"Oh you know, couple of million jew-...NATSU STOP EATING THE FIRE!"

The fire dragon slayer gave a muffled apology but kept eating. Suddenly the wall caved in and four figures stood in the middle of the living room.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!" Gray yelled before being floored as the smallest was flung right in his face.

"I'm here motherfuckers!" Laxus announced then gestured towards the heap on the floor. "And here is our gift to you and the world!"

After untangling himself, Gray looked down to see a very enraged Makarov dressed in a cat costume, complete with paws, a collar, a mask and cat ears.

"Ta daaaaaah!" Gildarts yelled before falling into fits of laughter. Everyone else joined in, Gray included. Well everyone bar Makarov.

"OK FUCK THIS!" He screamed and transformed into his giant form. "I AM YOUR GUILD MASTER! SHOW SOME RESPECT!"

"Show some restraint you idiot!" Gray screamed back but it was too late; his brand new house was already rubble.

"Quick Wendy; I think he's angry!" Laxus called and began throwing catfood (inside and outside tins) and fish his grandfather. "Feed him before he destroys us all."

Wendy joined the laughter and threw everything she could get her hands on.

"Juvia and Gray's new house..." Tears reached Juvia's eyes and she cuddled against her now prone boyfriend.

"Well...at least we have pictures." Natsu offered, picking up the bundle of photos Laxus had dropped on his enterance. They portrayed Makarov in increasingly embarassing positions. Surprisingly this cheered everyone up as Gramps took it upon himself to begin destroying everything in sight.

"I guess now's a good time since everything here is already rubble..." Mira straightened up and walked over to the laughing crash magician. "Gildarts; Cana and Bacchus are dating."

Cana by this point had already began running, but everyone else who heard soon joined in besides the raging goliath and the two fish throwers. Gildarts simply continued laughing, but slowly an evil grin spread across his face for the third time that day. Unluckily for Magnolia, third time was not a charm.

_A/N: Well I hope you liked it. Sorry about the delay but I'm back on track now and ready to go. I've got a few fics left to complete but keep the suggestions coming :) Read, review and recommend the next fic :)_


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